“Our doubts are traitors,
― William Shakespeare,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”
What Is Self Doubt
Self-doubt is the mental habit of questioning your own judgment or worth.
Self-doubt is learned. No one is born with self doubt – children typically move through the world with plenty of confidence. By the time we reach adulthood, our natural confidence has been undermined by the opinions of others and by our own experiences.
It’s normal to experience feelings of doubt when we are faced with new or challenging situations. Self Doubt is characterized by feelings of uncertainty regarding one or more aspects of the self. It is something that we all may experience at certain times in our lives. However, when it becomes debilitating for us, that’s when we may need more tools to overcome self-doubt.
If persistent self-doubt is not addressed, it can lead to:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Procrastination or lack of motivation
- Emotional instability
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulty making decisions
What Are the Different Types of Self-doubt?
Imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is the irrational fear of being a fraud or not deserving of your accomplishments.
For example, no matter how far you climb up the corporate ladder, you constantly feel like you’re not as good as your peers and that you’re only one mistake away from being exposed and humiliated. Imposter syndrome is a form of self-doubt because it’s generated by the habit of doubting your own accomplishments and abilities.
If you constantly doubt yourself, why would you believe that you’re worthy of what you’ve achieved?
Self-sabotage
In its simplest form, self-sabotage is the tendency to undermine your own goals and values. For example, after working successfully sticking to your new diet program for two months, you binge on junk food three nights in a row.
When you habitually self-sabotage yourself, you make yourself an easy target for self-criticism and doubt.
Indecisiveness
Indecisiveness is when you consistently struggle to make even small decisions for fear of making the wrong decision and whatever consequences may result.
When you decide on a restaurant for dinner, then doubt the decision and worry about potential negative consequences, you produce a burst of anxiety. Then, in order to quickly alleviate that anxiety, you defer the decision to someone else which relieves you of the responsibility for the outcome and lessens your anxiety.
Unfortunately, in the long-run, indecisiveness only erodes your self-esteem and confidence and makes your habit of self-doubt even stronger.
How to Overcome Self-Doubt For Good
1- Practice Self-Compassion
If self-doubt is holding you back from taking a leap with your career or in another aspect of your life, it helps to remember that we are all human. We all make mistakes along the way and it’s okay to do so. When we doubt our abilities, it’s often because we don’t want to make any room for mistakes. However, mistakes are also how we learn and grow. We can mitigate self-doubt and fear of failure by practicing being kind to ourselves, no matter the outcome.
2- Identify Your Values
Take a moment to assess your values and what matters most to you. It may be that you’re kind to others, you’re a good friend, or that you contribute to something meaningful in your life. When we recognize these values and what truly matters to us, the fear of criticism from others falls by the wayside. And when we live aligned with our values, it doesn’t feel as detrimental to be criticized or make mistakes.
3- Change Your Self-Talk
The average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative, and 95% are the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.
Our words create our reality – and that includes both the words we say and the words we think. When negative thoughts begin to creep in, sometimes they are hard to recognize because we become so used to them. Changing your self-talk is a powerful way to turn self-doubt into self-confidence. Stop believing everything your inner critic says. Argue with it. Eventually, your inner critic will turn into your inner champion.
4- Remember Your Past Achievements
Remember when you may have been scared to do something, in school or work, but it actually ended up going really well? It helps to reflect on achievements where something challenging for us turned into something great. A lot of achievements are born out of initial uncertainty or doubt. It helps to remind ourselves about the times that things have gone right, because the same thing could happen in the present moment.
On the flip side, it’s good to not focus too much on the past or past failures we might have had. The present moment is a new opportunity to do well, even if things didn’t go right the first time.
5- Try to Not Compare Yourself to Others
They say that comparison is the thief of joy. This saying rings true in many ways. If you’re experiencing self-doubt because you’re afraid you won’t accomplish something at the same level as someone else, then it can be a paralyzing feeling. Everyone’s journey and ideas of success are different. What we can control and focus on is our own path and where we want to take it, regardless of where other people are at or what they have done.
6- Spend Time With Supportive People
When you keep your thoughts on the inside they can become distorted, exaggerated and not very much in line with reality or reasonable expectations. So let them out into the light. Talk to someone close to you like a good friend about your self-doubts.
Just letting them out and saying them out loud can often help you to hear how exaggerated these thoughts have become. And by talking about those doubts with someone that is supportive you can get a change in perspective.
7- Find Validation From Within
While it’s great to feel reassured from others that we are doing a good job or that we are capable of accomplishing a difficult task, it’s equally important to have our own faith in ourselves. Constant reassurance doesn’t mean much if we still don’t believe in ourselves. Even if we aren’t the most confident about where we’re at, it’s good to practice being accepting of our strengths and all that we have to offer.
8- Call Out Your Critic
Would you doubt a friend who took on a new job or for the way they parent their kids the same way that you doubt yourself.? The answer is likely no. We will always be the harshest critic for ourselves. It’s a nice reminder to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we have for others, instead of being so critical on ourselves.
9- Keep a Self Gratitude Journal
Now, you’ve probably heard of the idea of gratitude journals where you spend a few minutes at the end of each day to jot down one or two things you’re grateful for. Well, the self-gratitude diary is similar, but the focus is on you specifically and things about yourself that you’re grateful for.
It’s simple: At the end of the day, pull up a notes app on your phone, our favorite is Notion, and create a new note called Self-Gratitude. At the top, put the date and list 1 or 2 things you’re proud of yourself for. They don’t have to be big things. You could be proud of yourself for remembering to take out the trash.
Get in the habit of actually practicing being proud of yourself and you’ll find it far easier to dismiss your self-doubts and remind yourself of all the reasons you have to be confident in yourself instead.
10- Take Action
Decisiveness is a sign of confidence. Leaders know that at some point, you need to stop wondering how to get rid of self-doubt and take action. Stop making excuses. Stop seeking advice from every friend and acquaintance. Start working toward real, actionable goals. It’s okay to start small. The more you achieve, the more you will build confidence and eliminate self-doubt for good.
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, self-doubt is a habit—nothing more, nothing less.
And regardless of where it came from, you can work to free yourself from chronic self-doubt by building better habits.
If you’ve read through this guide and it makes sense to you, choose one or two of the strategies listed above and try them out for a week or two. I think you’ll find that while difficult, reducing self-doubt and building self-confidence are actually far more doable than you might have imagined.